It took me several years to truly understand that what happened with my friends was not malicious or intentional; it was the unfortunate by product of change. It was the natural shift that occurs when people are no longer moving in the same direction. Like a road that reaches a fork, I went left while they went right.
Thought for the day: THIS is how you live your life. Both hands in and messy.
Pain patients need and deserve a seat at the table and yesterday, we had one. Read on and learn how you can add your voice to the discussion about pain treatment in America.
But nothing prepared me for the physical, emotional and spiritual fatigue I would experience when I became chronically ill. It goes well beyond the occasional night or two of insomnia. It's exhaustion at the cellular level.
Happiness turned to me and said, "It is time. It is time to forgive yourself for all of the things you did not become. It is time to exonerate yourself for all the people you couldn't save, for all the fragile hearts you fumbled with in the dark of your confusion.
The wheel on the hospital gurney made a continuous squeaking sound as they wheeled me down the hall to the operating room. It was one of those incessant noises that would normally drive me crazy, but for some reason that morning I found it comforting. Grounding.
It’s possible for life to be shattered into a thousand pieces and still be pieced back together, whole but different. It’s possible to be swallowed up by excruciating pain - both physical and emotional - and still find sweet relief. It’s possible to be born and to die in the same moment, only to be born again.
It’s not a linear path we walk when a relationship ends. We push, we pull, we trudge, we hold fast, we deny, we hope, we rail, we move forward, we fall back, we stand still.
The truth is, living with chronic illness and managing multiple diseases is costly – physically, emotionally and financially.
In 2011, at the height of my struggle with chronic pancreatitis and before my transplant surgery, my daily pain hovered at a 6 or 7 out of 10 on the pain scale even with strong opiates like Fentanyl and Oxycodone in my system.