Beginnings and Endings

December 1, 2011.

A day of beginnings and endings.

7 years ago today I underwent a 10-1/2 hour surgery that gave me my life back. I was reborn at the age of 52 with the promise of less pain, fewer hospitalizations, the ability to eat again, the ability to live again.

7 years ago today was a day of endings, as I came to the unequivocal realization when I looked into my husband’s eyes one last time before they wheeled me into the OR and the doors closed behind me, that he didn’t love me.

Less than a year later, on Thanksgiving, that realization was confirmed when he announced to me that our marriage was over. That we were “done.” Done. Like a pie baking in the oven. Done. 

It’s possible for life to be shattered into a thousand pieces and still be pieced back together, whole but different. It’s possible to be swallowed up by excruciating pain – both physical and emotional – and still find sweet relief. It’s possible to be born and to die in the same moment, only to be born again.

Now 7 years later, I feel nothing but gratitude for both the beginnings and the endings. I’ve arrived where I’ve always longed to be, and in the loss I’ve been given the gift of a love that grounds me at the same time it sets me free. I’ve arrived home, but it’s a home unlike any I’ve ever known.

And while these past 7 years have challenged me in so many ways – and will continue to do so – I’ve learned (well, for the most part) that I can face it all with head held high, with resilience, with grace, with humor, with humility, and surrounded by people who love me. And for that, I am forever grateful. 💜

#chronicillness #chronicpain #youdontlooksick #beginningsandendings #gratitude #iloveyoudon

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After 13 years of ever-increasing medical expenses incurred since being diagnosed with chronic pancreatitis, gastroparesis, and diabetes, I found it necessary to set up a GoFundMe campaign. In just a few short weeks I’m already more than halfway to my goal! The support I’ve received from friends, family and total strangers has been overwhelming and humbling. If you’d like to contribute or share my GoFundMe link on social media, here’s where you’ll find it here.